Recently, I’ve been very bitter towards people. I have come up with a theory as to why that is. You see, for the last six months, I had all my caring and loving emotions spit back in my face. I was literally told “care less” “love me less” and that just made me pour so much more into making things right that by the time I realized I couldn’t do it anymore, there was literally no positivity left in me to share. All of my magical happiness had dwindled and the very essence of my spirit was kind of…crushed. No one understands my side of the story simply because I don’t talk about my life. Ever. But that’s beside the point. The point is, I don’t like being bitter. I hate being distasteful towards people because I know how much it can hurt to have an outsider who knows nothing about your life judging you harder than anyone else. I’m just finding it hard to sympathize with people because I’ve literally switched my emotions off. I reached a point a little over a month ago where I decided that I was done loving, caring, and being there for a person(s) who wasn’t giving the same back. Since then, I have found it ridiculously hard to open that part of me back up. If the person who was supposed to love me the most was able to disregard my feelings the most, who’s to say everyone else won’t do the same? But really now, I can’t play the victim card. It’s my own choice to be bitter and I could have it so much worse. I suppose I’m just afraid of being told to stop being there for me by more than one person. That sort of rejection hurts my heart. I suppose my whole point is this: I’m trying really hard to move last this point in my life. To not blame others and take out my frustration on them. Yeah, it’s frightening to open up to people again, but that doesn’t give me the right to be mean. I know better than that. I know it’s up to me to drop the act and just go back to being momma bear and loving the world, but…somehow that always manages to screw me over. Then again, I’d rather be hurting than be the cause of someone else’s hurt. So…momma bear it is.