I am Berlynn.
And I am here.

My ceiling of stars and bed of water.

There has been one point in my entire life that I remember being completely peaceful with absolutely no thoughts, negative nor positive, in my mind. It was my freshman year of high school and I was going on a scuba diving trip to Catalina island for three days. We lived, dived, bathed, and explored on, in, and around this boat just off the coast of Catalina for three August days. There was no sign of life on the island or around us for as far as the eye could see; it was just us and out boat. One night, we did a night dive. We didn’t wear our scuba gear, just wet suits, fins, goggles, snorkels, and flashlights. It was so beautifully dark that it was nearly impossible to see any of the other divers around me. There was no sound. No city lights. No car horns. Nothing. Just the soft silence of the ocean around me. The water was warmer than the air was, considering it was night time, and felt like a warm bath I always enjoyed as a child. At first, I swam with my belly towards the ocean floor, searching the open sea for night creatures. There was a school of bat rays below me, gliding through the waters like geese flying south for the winter. Their large fins seemed to glow as they moved like a gentle breeze beneath me. I turned off my flash light and the water glowed green as it was moved by the creatures below. Remembering that plankton glows in the dark when faced with friction, I became my own star by thrashing my arms and fins under the water. The world around me just glowed and glowed. As the school of rays left my sight and no further discoveries were made, I flipped around so that my stomach was now facing the endless sky. It was the clearest night I had ever seen my entire life; there was not a single cloud in the sky. Instead, there was an endless sea of stars. With no moon in the sky, the stars seemed to have been shining so much brighter than I had ever experienced. I floated there, weightless, soundless, careless, and with no other sight than the stars for what seemed like hours. The reflection of the stars on the water created the illusion that there was no ocean, but I was rather floating in space with the stars. Never in my life had I felt so free as I did at that moment, and I have yet to experience that since. I could have stayed there, in that moment, for eternity. There was nothing around me, or mentally in me, that clouded my ability to feel complete and utter peace. I will go back someday. Maybe not to that spot or even those waters, but I will go back to that feeling. When I experience it again, I will lock it up within my heart and treasure it; just as I treasure my eternal ceiling of stars and bed of water.